Requiem For a Dream

This is something , i would never like to write. I thought, it would be better to write it off and forget it. Thats too much of a dream. The movie 'Requiem for a dream' , is one of the most realistic movies , i had ever seen. Its a movie which had taken me into into a trance for some time and made me lose my sleep for 2 days. Its been almost 4 to 5 months, since i saw that movie. Its coming back to me now, just because , it seems i have become part of the reality part of the movie- Thats about Dreams, Obsessions , Memories.

Its impossible to find anyone without any one of the above. For me there is one thing. Its the CAT. To be honest, its neither the IIMs , nor the MBA. Its the CAT. The Common Admission Test had been my dream for quite some time, which later turned into an obsession and now its just a memory. Giving CAT three times, i would call myself a CAT veteran, i know there are seniors to me. I can claim , that if i train 10 memebers for the exam, atleast 5 would pass the exam for sure. Now the funny thing is, i couldnt do it for atleast one out of the three times. Thats what dreams turned to obsessions do to a person. They turn the smallest to the biggest, lightest to the heaviest and so on.I dont have anyone to blame on this but me. I think i can encapsulate the whole problem of mine in just one line, as my friend said about me, 'Your strength lies in the fact that you know your strengths, your weakness lies in the fact that you know your strengths too well'.

It hadnt been easy to me to digest the fact that i have been performing underpotential (thats based on my criteria). At the same time, i believe, i can do a lot things, which i havent done before. But i have a silly problem- I am very lazy. I had almost 10 oppurtunities to make ads within the company. I never did one. I had an oppurtunity to make a movie in the company. I didnt do it. I mean i just postponed it and then gave it up. Inspite of all this, i am comparably at a higher position than many, because , i have a thought that is different. But i keep myself at a low position because, as i feel , its a dreadful mistake to keep a thought as a thought. I still have something to claim though, I made a movie, and its a good one.

Now, whats the fuss about not able to crack an exam. 1)The ego-its difficult to accept failure, when you strongly feel you are eligible for success, that too thrice, one needs to have a truck load of patience and courage. 2)The society- Its so difficult to face people after a failure, i had been doing an imposition saying to everyone ' it didnt go well' for three years. And there are hundred ways in which people react to it., some sympathize, some empathise, some rule me out, some underrate me, some think high of me- The problem is nothing helps, as long as you are obsessed.3)The requiem - If you didnt get what requiem means, its a song sung at the funeral. When thing like dream/obsession dies, the requiem starts for itself and it stays there like a memory, like a song in a loop mode. It takes time to forget it.

I dont have solutions for it. But i know the typical sayings 'Life goes on' and "Nothing is the end of the world", and 'whatever happens is for the good'.All i can say now is that there is a long time to know the truth behind those sayings, infact there is a life time. But there is some thing that i lost faith in "Hard Work leads to success", maybe smart work does.

PS: Dont watch Requiem for a dream if you have a weak heart. And dont watch alone. Its neither a horror movie nor a thriller movie, its a drama , true drama of life.